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Such gendered and generational roles have been discussed elsewhere in relation to cross-cultural and age scenarios Rubin Less has been said about how being a daughter influences the interaction, yet a subtle shift in the conversation that continued with Pramana brought this aspect of my embodied presence to the fore.
As the conversation progressed to confront the loss of this educational role as a consequence of his stroke and the fear that his younger daughters may not be educated as he was now too tired and unwell to provide, this student body I had inhabited was hijacked by a more personal and emotional engagement as a daughter.
My thoughts as I listened to this man share his vulnerabilities and fears became peppered by my late father, an academic who had died many years before my education was complete. These thoughts were echoed in the conversation as Pramana shared his hopes that his children could complete their education as I had, and verbalised the pride I imagined my father would have had on completion of my studies.
While emotionally disarmed by the unexpected inclusion of my father, I quashed my instinct to verbally react to this statement, allowing the presumed shared connection between Pramana and my deceased father to persist.
My engagement with the conversation however altered, I physically softened, rested my hands in my lap and my note taking basically ceased. Later, reflecting on the conversation, my father reappeared, prompting the following entry in my diary: All this thinking leads me back to Dad. Would he have been proud? Guess I'll never know.
During the provisional analysis that followed, the emotional weight of the loss of my father in his educational role and the series of questions I personally still had unanswered heightened. I began to feel the frustration that this imbalance in capacity and social duty created, but also the potential complications for the younger children.
Would they resent their older siblings if they were not afforded the same opportunities?
How would they relate to their father who until now had provided effectively under difficult social conditions? My emotional connection as a daughter who had experienced this loss, albeit under very different circumstances and place, stimulated a deeper consideration of the consequence of loss, but also how those potentially changing relationships would impact on Pramana. I wondered if he engaged in this forward thinking and if the sadness he expressed was not just for the loss of role as teacher and provider, but also his potential fear of a loss of love, of respect and the instability in the family structure that may evolve.
These were topics we had touched on in relation to his need to be cared for, but it was only later that the connections between this cared-for role and the multi-layering of the educational provider role began to merge, stimulated by the merging apparent in my own past experiences.
Through this process, the parallels and differences between the two fathers evolved.
My education was completed despite my loss of father, whereas for Pramana and his daughters such security was not available. Within the space of one conversation my embodied presence and experience as a young person, a student, a woman, a daughter bereaved of father and a person socio-economically privileged emerged, dissolved, merged and shifted in unique and temporally situated ways, illustrating the fluctuating and interactive nature of embodiment.
Crucially, not only did these shifts potentially result in different stories being shared, but awareness within myself facilitated a more engaged analysis where acknowledgement of our common worlds, but also more radical differences, facilitated a deeper and more emotionally engaged reflection on the words spoken.
Embodying emotion The second aspect explores more closely the complex area of researcher emotion within the research interaction, an area frequently neglected in research literature Fitzpatrick and Longley ; Willis Within the following example, I illustrate the intersectionality of my embodied gender, marital status, ethnicity and age alongside that of the participants and how these in combination created fertile but also emotionally challenging ground within the research process.
This intersectionality raises questions not only regarding who I wished to be in the context in which I was working, but also what constitutes a story and how the decision of representation is made.
Gendered vulnerabilities in ageing: women from different worlds Through the course of the research I met a number of women who had been left by their husbands, or were fearful that they would be deserted and who in some way related these events to their stroke. In contrast, none of the male stroke survivors had been left by their wives. The stories which developed over time were a rare insight into the social dynamics of marriage and how they interplayed with Islamic law and local Gayonese culture.
On the one hand, participants explained how land could be owned and worked by women and therefore the potential for security remained if their husband had left them. Yet at the same time, the partner who owned the land was morally responsible to support the other members of the family. Consequently, female stroke survivors whose husbands had left them explained how they had to farm their land not only for their survival and that of their children, but also to provide for their previous husband and in some cases, his new wife.
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They discussed how this was not official law in the area, but the norms of behaviour between couples were influenced heavily by local interpretations of Islamic doctrine. These narratives of engendered vulnerability in later life demonstrated a complex mix of cultural and religious interpretations which contrasted with the more dominant narratives of family unity Norris Their telling was undoubtedly facilitated by my being a woman, but more specifically a young, single, Western woman.
My lack of husband, marked by the absence of a wedding ring which did not go unnoticed by the women, was drawn into the conversation with reference to how lucky I was not to have marriage complications coupled with advice to stay single. Frequently, comments were made when others, including my co-researcher, had left the room, when the dictaphone was switched off or when physical props such as photographs or indeed coffee trees were available for the interviewee to facilitate the conversations.
In doing so it was as if they were talking to rather than with someone, sharing their story with a neutral presence but only in a unilateral direction. But this potential assumption that I, like the photograph, was a neutral ear is untenable and not supported by my reflexive engagement.
I was brought up a Christian and I live in a country UK in which Islam is a politically and socially potent term, and where reference to women's position is subject to frequent social commentary Poynting and Mason Yet I was born and brought up in a Muslim country and spent five years living in a predominantly Hindu one. Religious plurality, in short, is my background and with it an agnosticism tinged with deep interest in the nature of religious belief, including Islam.
While my gender and lack of husband which was mirrored by my co-researcher were particular assets in facilitating this topic, I am a woman from a very different cultural and social background.
An extract from my diary written directly following one interview highlights my reaction: Sat in the car fuming once again.
This is so crap for women. How is it that a man can just leave his wife, does what he pleases with no social reprimand and she is left to manage the fields and do all the work in order to pay for his life with the new wife.
This is grossly unfair. I must take care of these thoughts, I am all over them, but it is hard to not want to punch him. My engagement with this topic is clearly illustrated by my fuming body which wanted to vent its anger through a physical act of violence to the perceived perpetrator of wrong-doing. Also apparent are judgements based on my personal experiences and expectations of life and my own behaviour as a researcher.
Consequently, I actively shielded part of myself from my participants, taking care to protect our relationship from views that were distinctly my own and an emotional response that was out of keeping with the current context in terms of socially acceptable behaviour and my position as a researcher. I was aware I was trying to shape myself to conform to acceptable local behaviour, while feeling dishonest for hiding myself and in doing so not demonstrating solidarity with these women as I would in my own familiar context.
The embodied experience of both my frustration and anger, which I consciously suppressed in public, and my sense of vulnerability highlighted something regarding the social experience of these marginalised voices Sharma, Reimer-Kirkham and Cochrane The intersectionality between age, gender, martial position, religion, social discontinuity post-conflict, ethnicity and disability carved a uniquely vulnerable position for these women which I experienced viscerally.
By exploring my anger and my gendered experience of living both within the UK as well as in this unusual research context, that vulnerability took shape.
These women had not only been deserted by their husbands, but also by the society in which they lived. The need to remain within social boundaries prevented other women from aligning themselves with these women.
This example once again emphasises the fluctuating influences on embodied identity, but also how this impacted on the research itself.
Conferences in case he likes to speak and so on. Ask yourself how would it happen. It's better to have a hole than an asshole. Poor performance actually creates more work.
The responsibility for his bad performance is yours. The recommendation usually comes with ego.
But instead, say: this was the clearest way to show the user problem I ever seen. You may have rockstars, superstars, people not doing well but with good potential, and people not doing well at all.The business world is no stranger to groupthink. Ada beberapa pemicu otak yang dapat membuat wanita mengejar Anda. The acquisition price should play no role. And what happens? In the media, the story bias rages like wildfire. Jika ya, anda tidak sendirian karena saya pun pernah begitu.
With journalists, it is more difficult.
Should the military base have been evacuated or not? A few years later, he recorded birdsong. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
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